the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
