My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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