yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
worst night to have a conscience
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
