so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
