As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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