I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
