My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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