still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
