Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
