It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
