Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't put those talents on a resume
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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