you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
