my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
