this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
