He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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