My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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