brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
