pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
