At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
