she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
