You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
