u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
