Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
