Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
