what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
