This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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