i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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