***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
