the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
