Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
