The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
