Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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