its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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