I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
