my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
