Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Alive.
So much puke
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
