Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
