No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
