This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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