We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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