The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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