Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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