All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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