i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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