How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
