Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
