if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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