mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
