my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
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This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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