I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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