just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just blew my weed a kiss
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
