I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
