Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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