i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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