Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
