She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
