there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
