Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
