I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
