just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
