...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
