i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
