I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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