call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
