I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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