im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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