dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
