Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
