woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
