My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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