Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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