You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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