In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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