She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i think im in europe. pls send help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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