just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
